


don't we get to be happy, cathy?

by thomasjeffersonsmacaroni



Series: The Other 51 [30]
Category: The Last Five Years (2014)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Hamilton AU, Past Character Death, it's quiet uptown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-08 01:44:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10375077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thomasjeffersonsmacaroni/pseuds/thomasjeffersonsmacaroni
Summary: somewhere along the line, don't we get to relax?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone always talks about Alexander and Eliza as Jamie and Cathy, but no one ever talks about Jamie and Cathy as Alexander and Eliza. I aim to remedy that.  
> Might make this into a full-length fic with their whole story, I just needed to explore the IQU idea that I was thinking about.

_There are moments that the words don't reach_

_There is suffering too terrible to name_

_You hold your child as tight as you can_

_And push away the unimaginable_

_The moments when you're in so deep_

_It feels easier to just swim down_

 

_The Wellersteins move uptown_

_And learn to live with the unimaginable..._

 

The wind rustling the leaves was the only sound that anything made. Somewhere in the distance, perhaps life was happening, people moving and talking and being happy. But in the garden of his uptown house, Jamie Wellerstein was entirely alone.

Cathy - his Cathy in last name only - was inside. Ever since Alise, and that godforsaken pamphlet, she had been a spirit of fire, but ever since Jeremy, and that godforsaken duel, the fire had burned away into smoke.

 _You have other children!_ he wanted to scream at her. _They need you, too! Stop, Cathy! Stop!_

But who was he to talk? He took them to church. He fed them dinner. And then, he took his notebook to the garden and tried to write about what he was feeling for hours on end.

The ink bled through the paper every time. The world was too quiet without his son.

 

"Cathy."

She was in their garden, and the bottom of her dress was just a few inches away from the ground. Her fingers grazed across the wood of an apple tree, but her eyes stared far, far away into the distance.

"I know I don't deserve you. But listen to me. For just a minute. Please."

Her hand stood still, and when Jamie walked up to her, he saw that her eyes were closed, and that the wetness froze itself just below her eyelashes.

"If...if I could disappear right now, and die just as Jeremy did, and if it could be him in front of you right now and not me, I would. In a heartbeat. Because that would make you happier than whatever the hell is happening right now."

She still wasn't moving. Not towards him, not away, just not at all. That was progress, and that made Jamie smile just the tiniest bit inside.

"But I can't. I'm sorry, but I can't. It's just the two of us. And I know I can't understand what you're going through, and maybe I never will."

Silence. Jamie would never get used to the silence.

"Could I stand by you? That's all I need."

Cathy was still silent. But she shifted herself ever so slightly to the side to make room for him.

 

The next time he walked through the park, breathing the fresh air and watching the sky swim through the day, she was somehow by his side. There was still a wall between them, one that moved everywhere they went, and one that showed itself constantly, but they were walking together.

They looked in opposite directions. They did not say a word. And where they would have held hands perhaps ten years ago, there was only the weight of the air between them.

A wall.

But they walked as one. And every step was a nail being pushed into the plaster of the bricks.

 

"It's quiet here, isn't it?"

"I really miss Jeremy. Sometimes I go to call him to ask him to read me his poetry, or play cards with him, and then I remember, and then I can't move for the next hour or so."

"Do you think he blames me? Or hates me? I worry about that a lot."

"Do you like the quiet, Cathy? It gives me time to think. But it also scares me. I don't know why."

Jamie used to tell Cathy all his worries and all his concerns while they sat on their couch together, cuddling late into the night. Now he did the same, only it was restrained, every word handpicked, and they stood side by side in their garden, watching the sky and not each other.

"I miss you, Cathy. Not just as a wife, but as a friend. This doesn't mean that you have to forgive me, but I miss you. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry and I miss you."

Still, the silence, but the look on Cathy's face was as if she wanted to say something but couldn't.

 

They kept standing in the garden. Mornings, afternoons, and evenings were spent there, but neither of them looked at the other. And it wasn't until Jamie felt a soft hand slip itself into his own that he dared to look down and to the right.

She was smiling. And with just a whisper, she broke the silence.

"It's quiet here."

Jamie squeezed his eyes shut to keep from crying, but the tears slipped out anyway as she placed her head on his shoulder and pulled him closer into her.

"I miss him too, Jamie. I think about him a lot."

"So do I. Do you want to go inside? It's getting hot."

"Inside? Yes, yes. I do. We have a lot to talk about."

Years of conversation, years of hand-holding, and weeks of grief. Nothing could make that up but them.

But they would. Because at last, against all odds, Jamie and Cathy Wellerstein were together again.

**Author's Note:**

> I imagined this as Hamilton-era, but the characters have very modern names, so I guess this could go either way. Interpret this trash however you want :)


End file.
